Serendipity
May 28, 2009 at 10:37 am | In Declan, parenting | 5 CommentsToday I had an experience that I have never had before.
It happened completely accidentally.
It could lead to very, very bad things.
But at the same time, it was a little gift.
Mothers who read this will think I’m weird for thinking it’s such a big deal.
Here goes . . .
Declan took a nap with me today. In our bed. With me.
Now, I’ll start by saying that neither one of my two children have ever slept in our bed. Prior to having kids, we decided that we would not be those parents who let their kid sleep in their bed “just this once” and then shhooooopppp, fast-forward four years and the kid has her own pillow, knows how to turn off Dad’s alarm clock, and reminds Mom when its time to change the sheets.
Then Savannah came home from the hospital. All five pounds, eight ounces of her. That first night, I didn’t want to set her down. So I just put her in bed with us, directing a wordless, “I just gave birth to your daughter so don’t even think of objecting to anything I want” glare at Kevin when he started to open his mouth. I thought, “just this once”. I thought I’d drift off to sleep, my hand lightly resting on her still, swaddled form, and stir only when she gave a little cry signaling that she was hungry.
Um, no. Instead, her tiny breaths kept me completely awake. Her baby noises sounded like fire alarms. My body was held rigidly, for fear that I would roll over on her. I kept hissing at Kevin to stop moving/be quiet/turn off the light. I was so fatigued from labor and delivery–so emotionally wrought from the surge of hormones, yet I couldn’t relax enough to go to sleep. It was awful. Labor and it’s accompanying epidural was more relaxing, frankly.
The next night Savannah was moved into her own bedroom, where she has remained ever since. When Dec was born, it didn’t even cross our minds to let him sleep in the bed with us.
Today, Dec was put down for his nap at about 1:30 pm. Kevin left to go study for his board exams. I got into my bed to read. After a mere 40 minutes, Dec started crying. I ignored him for a bit, but his cries only got more shrill, so I went into his room, picked him up, and rocked him in the rocking chair for a few minutes. He seemed to immediately fall back asleep. I layed him back down in his crib. Screaming ensued. After 10 minutes or so, I entered his room, picked him up, and carried him to my bed. I was primarily doing it so he wouldn’t disturb Savannah, who was also napping. I thought he’d just play for a bit with me or possibly jump on the bed. Nope. He layed down, pulled his blankie close, and looked around contentedly. As I held him, our faces nearly touching, I closed my eyes. A couple of minutes went by and I peeked at him. His eyes were open, but his body remained motionless. A few more minutes went by. I could feel myself starting to doze. I peeked at him again. His eyes were closed! So weird. So I closed my eyes again and dropped off to sleep for several minutes. I woke up when I heard Savannah’s bedroom door open. I thought, “She’s going to see that Dec’s bedroom door is open and wonder where he is”. I heard her use the bathroom. I could hear her in the hallway. I thought, “She’s going to come in here and say something and wake Decky up.” Just then, Kevin came home (Kevin told me later that Savannah immediately came to him and said, “Declan’s not in his crib and Momma’s sleeping! I can’t find him!” Poor Savannah.)
Kevin came up the stairs, peeked in on us, and took Savannah back downstairs.
Child #1 dispatched, I had the luxury to watch Declan as he slept. He was laying on his side, with his blankie pressed up to his chest and neck, and my mind was transported back to his infancy. Then, I would swaddle him and rock him as he slept. Laying in the bed today, holding the same blanket that I used to swaddle him, I felt as though he looked exactly the same as he did nearly two years ago. I gazed at him as he traveled through each stage of sleep, and marveled at how his eyes opened and closed during his deepest stage of sleep. I could see beads of sweat on his temple. Occasionally he sighed, and a little puff of his breath would touch my face. It dawned on me that watching him sleep, especially from about 5 inches away, was an intimate experience that I had missed out on with both of my children. Watching an infant sleep while you’re trying to nurse or while your pushing the stroller or while you’re driving the car or while you’re eating in a restaurant is not the same as watching a your toddler sleep in the comfort of your bed, while you’re well rested and relaxed.
After I got my fill of watching him sleep, I closed my eyes again in preparation for a glorious nap with my son. After several minutes, I realized that his breathing was rather raspy. And his nose whistled. And his body heat was making me sweaty. And his blankie smelled vaguely of toddler drool. And he was hogging the bed. And my arm was asleep. And I needed to pee.
Sleeping with a toddler sucked.
After a while, I started to get antsy. I hadn’t moved in nearly an hour. I could see my novel laying a few feet away on the bed. On the other side of Dec. I slowly started to ease my arm out from under him. He stirred and I froze. I tried again. Success. I debated leaving the bed, but wondered if he would fall out of bed if I left him alone. Our bed is very high. What if he hit the nightstand on his way down? I listened for Kevin and Savannah. It sounded like they were having a great time downstairs. I envied them. I was hot and sweaty up here, trapped in the bed with a loud breather and a bed hogger. And what if Dec woke up and thought, “Oh my goodness, that was the best nap ever. I want to sleep with Mommy every single day and night”? I wondered if I’d have to go back to work full-time to break him of this new habit. I mean, the kid is super clingy as it is. What if I just caused him to need an additional five years of therapy? This was a terrible idea. What possessed me to bring him into bed with me? Why, why, why?
What happened to my tender feeling of 15 minutes ago? When I was basking in the closeness between us? Oh, right. My tender feelings were sweaty and cramped. They were being masked by the grunts and lip-smacking from the 27 pound kid laying practically on top of me.
Thankfully, when he awoke a few minutes later, he didn’t seem to linger on the fact that he was in the bed with mommy. He just sat up, looked around, and grinned at his sister as she entered the room. She reminded him it was time for snack. “Nack!”, he agreed, and took his little independent self off downstairs, without even looking back at me.
His blanket was left forgotten on the bed.
I sniffed it. Yup, it still smelled like Decky drool.
In Case You Didn’t Know Where Babies Come From
May 23, 2009 at 8:53 pm | In Bad Daddy Moment, Savannah | 4 CommentsLet me set the scene . . .
Earlier in the day, Savannah and her friend Kate were drawing with chalk on the driveway. They drew a big colorful figure that had a vague resemblance to a shark. In fact, they named it “shark” and stated that it was going to get “bigger and bigger and eat all of us!”.
Later that evening, Kevin was outside with Savannah. He absentmindedly stepped on her chalk drawing.
Savannah: Daddy! You’re stepping on my picture!
Daddy: Your picture? What is it?
Savannah: A shark. The shark is going to drink lots of water and then have a baby!
Daddy: Oh, is that how you have a baby?
Savannah: Yes!
Daddy (who catches sight of our pregnant neighbor, Kelly): Savannah, there’s Ms. Kelly. Did you know that Ms. Kelly is going to have a baby?
Savannah: Ms. Kelly, you’re going to have a baby?
Kelly: Yes, I have a baby in my tummy.
Savannah: You drank lots of water?
Kelly (confused): Um, yes, I guess I drink lots of water.
(Here is where Kevin explained to Ms. Kelly where babies come from. She’s grateful that she now knows.)
Things Are a Little Hectic
May 18, 2009 at 10:41 pm | In Excuses | 1 CommentI’ve not posted in forever, and this blurb does not count. There is three weeks left of school, so I’m buried in assessments, Kevin’s taking his Oral Boards in 2 weeks, and we’ve had a lot of fun visitors. Decky is also getting FOUR teeth, so he’s pretty miserable. Also, Savannah’s 4th birthday is coming up in 3 weeks, so I have to put on my supermom hat and plan something fun. Any ideas out there (think easy and low-key)?
I really wanted to take pictures of my garden this year, since last year I posted pictures from when I first planted a bunch of stuff. About a week ago, the pink roses were glorious! Now, all the blooms have been blasted off by all the rain we’ve been having. So, I was too late. Any pictures now would just be lame.
Okay, I’ll be back again, hopefully soon!
Update on Nippy Trauma
May 7, 2009 at 9:10 pm | In Declan | 2 CommentsIt’s been 14 days. Dec still makes sucking motions with his mouth as he’s laying against my chest prior to being placed into his crib at night. His lower lip moves up and down, and little sucking noises are heard.
It’s so sad.
Nippy Trauma
May 1, 2009 at 10:33 pm | In Day to Day, Declan, parenting | 9 CommentsLast year at this time, there was BIG NEWS in the Nusz household. Savannah had relinquished her nippy. At the time, she was 2 years and 10 months old.
Last weekend was Dec’s coming of age. Why, you ask? After all, he’s only 21 months old. And a chronic whiner.
My theory about pacifiers has always been that if a child is old enough to really understand why the nippy is discontinued, they will cope with its loss better. I don’t think it’s fair to just have it disappear one day. I think I have a fear that they will subconsciously look for it for the rest of their life. So, I waited until Savannah was old enough to understand when I told her that she was a big girl and didn’t need a nippy anymore (and I snipped off the end of it, which helped her realize that she didn’t really need it).
We’ve been murmuring about getting rid of Dec’s pacifier for awhile now. A few weeks ago, his friend Sara successfully got rid of hers. Then his friend Madeleine did also. Did they fuss? Not really. Did they lose sleep? Nope. Did they throw themselves on the floor and scream “Momma! Nippy! Momma!” for days and days (do you see where I’m going with this?)? Absolutely not.
Things came to a head last Friday (April 24: 1 year and 2 days from the great nippy removal of Savannah Elizabeth). As Kevin and I readied the kids for school, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to bring Dec’s pacifier home from school the previous day (he has a million, so he hadn’t missed it at bedtime). Kevin said, “Oh, I don’t think I remembered to bring one yesterday”. I was dumbfounded. His teacher hadn’t mentioned Dec not having a pacifier! Did he cry all day and his teacher didn’t mention it? So Kevin took the kids to school and asked Ms. Gina if Dec had used his pacifier at naptime. She said, no, he hadn’t. He had layed down and slept for 2 hours without the pacifier.
Well. I think that’s a sign. He’s ready. Let’s roll with this.
Kevin tells Ms. Gina to TRY and avoid giving Dec the pacifier at naptime. I wait on pins and needles all day, wondering if he’ll repeat his performance from the day before. He does. He’s fine.
So, even though Kevin’s brother’s family is coming into town that day for the weekend, we make the decision to rid our home of the pacifier. This is what I do:
1) I call my friend Kerry and ask her if we can use her baby daughter, Anna, for “Operation Nippy Removal”. She agrees.
2) I go to Target and purchase a big blue ball that Dec has been coveting.
3) After picking the kids up from daycare, we go to the doctor’s office because Savannah is complaining of her ear hurting. She has an ear infection. The doctor checks Dec’s ears too, just so I can be sure that when he’s crying over his lost nippy that he isn’t crying because of ear pain, too. His ears are fine.
4) We go home and eat dinner. Then I coach Dec through the process of gathering all his nippies together and putting them in a shoebox. We talk about how he’s going to give them to Baby Anna because she’s a baby and she needs the nippies. Decky’s a big boy and he’s all done with his nippies.
5) We climb into the car (the big blue ball is in the trunk, out of sight). Dec’s holding the box o’ nippies in his lap. We get to Baby Anna’s house and I park strategically so I can bring the big blue ball into the house without Dec seeing.
6) We enter the house and Dec is encouraged to give Baby Anna his gift. He does so, and we all clap. Baby Anna “gives” Dec the big blue ball, which is very exciting. Dec says bye-bye to the nippies and we go home. I’m so proud.
Fast forward to 7:00 pm. Bedtime. All my in-laws are visiting and are lounging in the living room. I read Dec his story and he asks, “Nippy?” I say, “No, you gave your nippies to Baby Anna”. He says, “Nippy bye-bye.” I agree. He says, “Nippy bye-bye. Ball!” I’m so pleased. He understands that he gave his nippies to Baby Anna and he got a ball!
As I lay him down in his crib and rub his back for a minute, I think, “Wow, this is working! I’m like the best parent ever!” As I leave the room, a screech fills the air. “NIPPY!!!!” I shut the door, feeling tearful. “NIPPY! MOMMA!” The sobs are loud and wet. Within minutes he’s gasping for breath, “Nippy! Momma! Momma! Momma! Wahhhhhh!”
It’s awful. Seriously. I feel like the worst parent ever.
After 25 minutes of listening to his pleas, I reenter his room. His face is swollen and wet. Boogers stream down his face. He’s sweaty and his pajamas are all twisted, as though he’s been writhing around in his crib. I rock him for a few minutes and we talk about how “nippy is all gone”. He says, “no, no, nooooooo”. I say yes.
I leave the room again. After 10 minutes of wretched crying, he’s blessedly quiet.
I’m worried that he died of a broken heart.
1:20 am. Screaming in the night. Rocking. Screaming. Sleeping.
4:00 am. Screaming. Rocking. Screaming.
5:00 am Sleeping.
6:20 am Up for the day. A day of listening to him crying about nippy. A day of me cursing those little brats Sara and Madeleine who made this look so easy.
The day passes in a blur of crying and blanket-clutching. During naptime, he screams for nearly an hour. That night, he cries hysterically for 40 minutes, then falls asleep. He sleeps all night. I do not, wondering if he’ll wake up.
It’s now Sunday. For short periods of time, he plays nicely. Once again, he screams during naptime. He cries for 30 minutes at bedtime and sleeps through the night.
Monday morning. We all wake up. Within 1 hour, I am stricken with a terrible stomach bug. My in-laws come over to watch the kids while I huddle in the bathroom for most of the day. My mother-in-law puts Dec down for his nap. He cries for about 5 minutes and falls asleep. The worst is over.
It’s now been exactly a week. He still mentions nippy occasionally, but now reaches more quickly for his blankie. I’ll take it. A blankie can’t mess up his teeth, delay his speech, or be laced with cocaine and used by high-schoolers (did you know they do that? I digress).
We are a nippy-free household. Although I think that at least one of us still has a broken heart.
Blog at WordPress.com. | Theme: Pool by Borja Fernandez.
Entries and comments feeds.
