The Daily Nusz

Declan is a bit of a nightmare.  And I mean that in a good way, of course.  But he gets into SO MUCH TROUBLE.  I have a vague memory of slouching on the couch while an 18 month-old Savannah danced along to The Wiggles, giving me several minutes of down time at the end of the day.  I remember sitting motionless as she tried to comb my hair.  I can recall her sitting for 30 minutes next to me in a restaurant, quietly and methodically placing stickers on the back of my sweater.   Ahhhh . . . the good old days.  One kid.  One calm kid.

Things that I’ve experienced/witnessed recently:

1.  Declan squatting down to write on the garage floor with chalk.  As he does so, a fruit snack falls out of his mouth and falls wetly to the floor, immediately becoming covered in chalk, grass, and dirt.  Before I can say anything, I see him pluck it from the floor and pop it back into his mouth. 

2.  Declan poking Kevin in the back of the head with an umbrella while Kevin was driving.

3.  While standing at the top of the slide, Declan steps backward and topples off the top.  I catch him mid-air.

4.  Declan sitting on the counter as Kevin administers his acid reflex medication.  Dec reaches behind him, grabs a pair of scissors, and precedes to fall backwards off the counter.  Kevin grabs him by the back of his pajamas, and Dec hangs suspended for several seconds before Kevin lowers him down.  Dec still clutches the scissors in his hand.

5.  Dec crouches on the driveway, intently watching a small spider as it skitters across his path.  Suddenly his finger presses down on the spider, crushing it.   He then immediately puts that same finger into his mouth. 

6.  As Kevin pulls weeds nearby, Dec climbs onto a wooden bench which sits in the garden.  He topples off onto a pile of decorative stones.  A small amount of bleeding ensues.

7.  As Savannah colors serenely nearby, Dec methodically removes all the caps from the markers and writes all over his hands and face.

8.  As I get ready one morning, idly listening to the kids play noisily and gleefully, I look over to see that Declan has played so vigorously that one arm has come out the top of his pajama top.  The empty arm hole is flapping behind him as he runs.

9.  While sitting in a chair eating, I see a movement out of the corner of my eye and duck reflexively.  A plastic ball slams into the wall behind me.  Dec grins and says, “Ball, Mamma, ball?”

10.  I enter a room to see Dec standing on the ottoman, gazing down in anticipation at Savannah.  Savannah is laying on the floor, holding a pillow on her chest.  Dec braces himself to jump, and I shout his name.  He’s startled and  falls on top of Savannah.  Both are okay.

 11.  I enter the bathroom and hear a crunch under my feet.  I turn on the light and find approximately 1 million goldfish scattered on the bathroom floor.  An empty snack bowl sits nearby. 

12.  One minute before we’re supposed to leave for a doctor’s appointment, I see Dec reach up to grab a full glass of water off the table.   I watch helplessly as he tips it to drink and it cascades down his face and clothes.   I call the doctor’s office and explain that we will be a few minutes late.

13.  When he enters the library, he has both shoes.  When we arrived home, there is only one.  And a very dirty sock.

14.  While walking down the aisle in a store, a woman says, “Ma’am?  Is that your son?”  I look over to see him clutching handfuls of Savannah’s hair as she holds a box of Dora fruit snacks out of his reach.

15.  While in the library, I glance up to see Declan throwing a piece from a wooden train set in the general direction of the window.  Luckily, his aim was poor and the puzzle piece lands on top of a nearby bookshelf.  I mouth, “I’m sorry” to the disapproving librarian.

This is just what I could think of in the last 10 minutes. 

I need a nap.