The Unveiling . . .
October 24, 2009 at 11:03 pm | In Declan, Savannah, The husband | 5 CommentsA few weeks ago, our family got our pictures taken. My friend, photographer Lindsay Hart, did the photos, and we LOVE them. Here are a few of my favorites:
Decky's a little disgruntled . . .
Not so disgruntled . . .
I love this one!
Daddy kissing Savannah . . .
Family Photo . . .
Running in the field . . .
Married 8 years . . . can you believe it?
Boy, they both loved this lollipop!
So loving . . . I hope this lasts for at least a couple more years.
My handsome boy . . .
Laughter . . .
Daddy and his boy
Kevin and I agree that she looks WAY TOO OLD here.
Decky's toes are so cute in this one . . .
There’s tons more too!
Adventures In Toilet Paper . . . Decky Style
October 6, 2009 at 10:12 pm | In Day to Day, Declan | 3 CommentsDecky has issues. With toilet paper, specifically. There are two incidences that I’d like to share.
The first one:
I glance into the family room from the kitchen and see the following:
I scold Declan and direct him to pick it up. We have a discussion about WASTING things.
He collects a big portion of the toilet paper, with considerable prompting from me.
And finally, we ball up the paper and leave it on the sink so we can use it slowly over the next few days. However, it is embarrassing when a person unfamiliar with 1) Decky and his antics and 2) my reluctance to waste paper products comes over and uses our bathroom. This is what they find. And because the toilet paper roll is empty, they are forced to partake:
The second one:
One night, as I walk into the master bathroom to get ready for bed, I’m halted by the sight of at least eight rolls of toilet paper stacked in the sink. I direct Kevin’s attention to it. We both agree that it smacks of Decky, and Kevin states, “Well, at least he wasn’t able to turn on the faucet”. Yes, definitely. I walk by the toilet to return the unused rolls to the cabinet and find this:
And here’s a close-up:
Nice, right? I couldn’t help but wonder how many times his hands actually touched pee water during the process of doing this. And Kevin thoroughly enjoyed fishing wet toilet paper out of the toilet at 11:30 at night.
The Return of Parenting Awesomeness
September 14, 2009 at 9:59 pm | In Declan, parenting | 5 CommentsRemember the despair that I tried to convey in my last post? Born of exhaustion and shame?
Well. It’s gone. I’m well-rested and confidence in my parenting abilities has been reestablished!
How? Why?
Well, unlike “Operation Nippy Removal“, this plan worked.
I left work, drove like mad to Target, and purchased an alarm clock/radio. That evening, prior to putting Declan to bed, all of us “practiced”. Savannah, Kevin, and I layed on the floor in Declan’s room as he watched. I turned on the radio and we all sat up, saying things like “It’s awake time! It’s time to eat breakfast!”. Then, I’d turn off the radio and we’d all lay down as if we were sleeping. After a couple of practices, Dec totally understood the process. When the radio went on, he’d call, “Mommy, time to wake up!”, etc.
Kevin was skeptical about this plan.
Since Declan had been waking up around 5:45 am, I set the alarm for 6:30 am the first morning. Prior to bed, I turned the monitor way down and took a sleeping pill (this greatly enhanced my ability to sleep through 45 minutes of crying the next morning).
Day 1: Alarm set for 6:30 am. He awoke at 5:50. I let him cry until 6:30. As soon as the alarm went off, I hurried in there and said, “Your music is on? It’s time to wake up! Time to eat!”. His sobbing immediately ceased and a huge grin took over his face.
Day 2: Alarm set for 6:30 am. He slept until 6:30 and the alarm woke him up. Damn.
Day 3: Alarm set for 6:30 am. He slept until 6:15 am, and we heard him playing quietly in his crib. When the alarm went off, he called, “Mommy! Awake time!”. Much praised ensued.
Day 4: Alarm set for 7:00 am. Awoke at 6:50 am and played quietly (Please note: not only is he NOT crying, but he’s actually sleeping later!).
Day 5: Alarm set for 7:30 am. Once again, he awoke slightly earlier and played quietly.
Day 6 – Day 9: Repeat.
Day 10-Day 13: Went to Washington, DC. Declan slept in the same room as me. When he awoke, I’d bring him into bed with me and he’d sleep until 7:30 am. Pro: still sleeping later; Con: sleeping in my bed. We were afraid that we had undid all of our progress.
Day 14: Back at home. Prior to going to bed, Dec pointed to his alarm clock and said, “Awake time!”. The next morning, he awoke prior to his alarm and played loudly until his alarm went off. Phew. I think it’s going to be okay.
Well, it’s working! I may have broken him, but I least I fixed him . . . I hope.
Super Mommy . . . up, up, and away!
Shame
September 1, 2009 at 9:56 pm | In Bad Mommy Moment, Declan, parenting | 3 CommentsWell, I’ve done it. I’ve officially broken Declan. My colossally bad parenting has resulted in an immediate need for a swift, painful intervention. This is worse than the nippy fiasco of April 24, 2009.
Remember this post? Notice how the third line says, “It could lead to very, very bad things”? Um, yeah. Well. About that.
My breakdown in parenting awesomeness started on May 28, when that last post was written. It started with occasionally letting Declan nap in my bed when he arose from his nap too early. I’d lay him down at naptime. If he awoke after sleeping for less than an hour, I’d scoop him up, lay him in my bed, and say sternly, “It’s naptime. Go to sleep or you’re going back in your crib”. Acting all deceptively compliant, he’d settle down and close his eyes. Sometimes he’d even remain on his side of the bed. It seemed like a win-win situation. He’d get a longer nap, and I’d get blessed silence for another hour.
And I can’t say that Kevin didn’t warn me. On a couple of occasions, Kevin could pull down the covers at night and pull out one of Decky’s crumpled blankets. I’d foolishly try to defend my actions, saying things like, “I thought we’d just play on the bed so we wouldn’t wake up Savannah”, or “I thought I’d just get him to settle down, then put him back in his crib”. It was pathetic, really. All lies.
I keep telling myself, “Well, he’s going to grow out of needing a nap anyway . . . what’s the harm of letting him sleep with me for a couple months? It’s not like he’s sleeping in our bed at night.”
Simultaneous with this breakdown of naptime protocol, Dec starting getting up insanely early. Like, at 5:45 am. The second the sun drifted over the horizon, he was up. His eyes would open, he’d immediately propel himself into a standing position in his crib, and he’d whimper.
“Mommy.”
“Mommy. All done.”
“Mommy. Wake up time.”
“Mommy. Mommy! Mommy. Eat time.”
What started out as whimpers and whines quickly progressed to crying. Then screaming. Then screaming interspersed with hiccuping and gasping. All within about two minutes. By the time I entered his room to comfort him, I think he had said “Mommy” at least 437 times.
So I hung curtains in his room. Then I hung blackout curtains behind them. It was nice and dark. That worked for a few days.
Then I decided that I would enter his room, inform him that it was still night time, and leave the room, determined to let him cry until the decent hour of 6:30 am. This did not work (although it was torture listening to him cry, so there is a small chance I didn’t really implement this intervention for a long enough time to promote it’s effectiveness).
This next detail is where my most significant amount of shame enters the picture.
When he started waking up early (prior to 6:30), I’d pick him up and bring him in the bed with us. The first time I did this (on a Saturday morning), he slept in our bed until 8:30 am. 8:30 am! It was like a sleeping miracle.
Which reinforced my poor choice.
Of course, he’s never really done that since.
But the kicker? The moment of clarity when I truly knew in my heart that I had robbed my son of his ability to sleep independently?
It happened this morning at 6:08 am. I heard him shriek, “Mommy’s bed! I want Mommy’s bed!”.
It’s like the record stopped. Errrrrrrrk. Mommy’s bed? My kid is demanding to get in Mommy’s bed? Where on earth did he get the idea that he could choose to sleep anywhere aside from his crib???
Shit.
This is entirely my fault.
Now what?
Whaz Up With Us?
August 10, 2009 at 9:38 pm | In Day to Day | 2 CommentsThis has been a very busy summer! What’s up with each of us?
Kevin: He’s passed his board exams! He’s now a board-certified ophthalmologist (Pppssst! This is a really big deal apparently.)! He’s also in final negotiations of his partnership in the ophthalmology practice in which he’s worked for the past two years. Plus, due to diet and exercise, he’s all buff and manly. 
Tara: I’ve finally received confirmation that the budget cuts taking place at my place of work will not impact me for the next school year. This is great news, since I love my job, and I have the opportunity to be involved in some exciting new projects next year.
I also was lucky enough to get to go on a girl’s weekend in Rochester, NY in July. The hostess was my high school friend, Lindsey. She gathered a group of her closest friends to celebrate her 10th wedding anniversary, as all of us were part of her special day. We ate, talked, ate, practiced some yoga, some of us knitted (not me), ate, looked at old yearbooks, ate . . . you get the idea. It was a nice time away. Although some of the women were ladies whom I did not know well prior to the visit, I thought we all “clicked” and had a great time. By the way, it was freezing in NY.
Erin, me, Meg, Amy, Kerry, Lindsey, and Tracy
Savannah: Back in June, as I noted during a prior post, Savannah turned four! She celebrated with a pool party with all of her neighborhood friends. We swam, decorated cookies, ate pizza and cupcakes, and opened gifts. She had a great time.
Blowing out her candles (Savannah helped me make the cupcakes)
Decorating cookies. This is Tommy, Sara, and Kelly's cleavage.
In addition, Savannah completed two weeks of swimming lessons at our local YMCA. I originally signed her up at the beginning of the summer when our neighborhood pool had just opened and she was very hesitant in the water. Since then, she’s gained confidence and skill. Because I had signed her up for the beginners’ class, her skills surpassed all the other kids’ in her class. She loved this, as she was able to swim without a floating device while other children cowered on the edge of the pool and sobbed. She just started another series of swimming lessons today.
On another note, I’ve come to the conclusion that Savannah is behaviorally delayed. By behaviorally delayed, I mean that she’s just now decided to enter the terrible twos. I’ve always thought of her as being exceptionally easy to discipline, extremely receptive to positive reinforcement, and very adaptable to change. Um, in the last two to three weeks, she’s turned in a tantruming, oppositional, resistant child who has spent a significant portion of her time in time-out. She has also heard me say ugly things like, “I don’t like how you’re talking to me. If you keep speaking to me in that tone, I am going to wash your mouth out with soap”. Oh, Savannah, where are you? Where is my sweet girl?
Declan: Terrorizing everyone, as usual. He turned two on July 12, and is not behaviorally delayed. He has also entered the terrible twos.
Some of Grammy's fudgy chocolate cake
We celebrated his birthday with Kevin’s side of the family, and he received some great gifts, such as a T-ball set, a golf set, some elmo books, and some adorable blue crocs. His language is become more sophisticated, as he is using 3-4 word phrases (usually to tattle on Savannah or explain that he wants something to eat). He just went to his 2 year well-baby checkup, where he weighed 25.4 lbs (20th percentile) and 34.5 inches tall (55th percentile). The doctor said we need to fatten him up. When he was given his shot, he didn’t even cry. He just pointed to his thigh and said, “Otch, Mommy, otch”.
Finally, it should be noted that we just returned from a 4 night trip to Minnesota to visit with our dear friends Amy and Randy and their two children, Katherine (6) and Luke (almost 3). The trip was overshadowed by their daughter’s mysterious illness. She kept vomiting, resulting in dehydration and hospital stays. After we left, she was diagnosed with what was believed to be a benign tumor at the base of her esophagus. Last Friday she had surgery which resulted in the removal of the mass and the reconstruction of her esophagus. It turned out that the mass was a cyst, believed to have developed in utero. She’s on the mend, but her healing process is slow and painful. I can’t even imagine how frantic her parents were.
Because Katherine’s illness hadn’t reached a crisis point during out visit, we did get to spend time with their family (and had a brief visit with my brother and his girlfriend too!). Here’s some pics to reflect our visit:
Kevin holding Dec and Randy holding Savannah . . . we were at the ice cream shop.
We took the kids to ride ponies . . . they were practicing here. Oh, and Dec heard one of the ponies whinney, so he got scared and didn't go on.
Savannah and Luke wrestling . . . they were having a ball. I think they both have the same violent streak.
There was a park within walking distance. And since it wasn't 100 degrees in Minnesota like it is here, we got to spend alot of time there.
Teaching Dec to give a thumbs down to Daddy's bowling . . .
My youngest brother Kevin and his girlfriend Amy. They live about 1.5 hours from where we were staying, and they came to see us for the day. We went bowling, which Savannah loved!
So, that’s what’s going on with us!
Naked Air Hockey
July 24, 2009 at 8:23 pm | In Declan, Random, Savannah | 2 CommentsI’ve been planning to blog about the various activites we’ve been engaged in of late, but it’s taking forever, so I thought I’d just give you a glimpse.
A couple of weeks ago, we went to Gatlinburg, TN with Kevin’s family. In the house that we rented there was an air hockey table. The kids LOVED it. These pictures were taken immediately after a bath.
Naked Air Hockey
40 Tidbits about Declan (in honor of his 2nd birthday)
July 13, 2009 at 10:15 pm | In Declan | 5 CommentsOh, my baby boy is TWO! He’s getting soooo big and sooooo old. Let’s see. Tidbits for my two year old.
1. Decky still doesn’t have all of his teeth. He’s working really hard at it, though.
2. Decky is ornery and temperamental.
3. Decky LOVES balls. Ball was one of his first words. Often it’s his first word when he wakes up (aside from Momma).
4. Every bump and bruise can be cured with a kiss. But it has to be a kiss that makes the noise Mu-wah! He’ll often hold out some body part and say in an insistent tone, “Mu-wah! Mu-wah!”.
5. Decky does great at school. His favorite subjects are Eating and Ball.
6. Decky loves to sing along with the radio. Some favorite songs are My Life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson and Halleluia by Kate Voegel.
7. Decky loves to brush his teeth, particularly with his Cars toothbrush.
8. Decky loves to jump on the couch.
9. Decky has chronically messy hair.
10. Decky loves Elmo. And also calls his elbow “Elmo”.
11. Decky is left handed. But right footed.
12. Decky still takes medicine for his acid reflux.
13. Decky just got busted for throwing blocks off the upstairs landing.
14. Decky loves the following books: Hide and Seek Elmo, Down by the Bay, Five Little Ducks, and some boring picture/dictionary books.
15. Decky is a good eater. Some things he loves: pasta salad, macaroni and cheese, hot dogs, yogurt, fruit, sweet potatoes, and anything chocolate.
16. Decky is very picky about what shoes he wears. He loves his red crocs, but when required to wear sneakers, will carefully choose the pair and cannot be talked into anything else.
17. Decky is very attached to his blankie. And by blankie, I mean any receiving blanket that he used during his infancy.
18. Decky is a momma’s boy. Wait, that’s an understatement. The kid would crawl back into my womb if he could.
19. Decky has a little brown birthmark on his left temple.
20. Decky thinks all toes are called “tickly toes”.
21. Decky is very sensitive to excessive stimulation. He doesn’t like loud noises, bright sunlight, or chaotic environments.
22. Decky usually sucks on markers while drawing. Thank goodness they are non-tonic.
23. Decky seems to like the color pink. Pink balls, pink princess shoes, pink hair barrettes. This could be his sister’s influence.
24. Decky misses Savannah when she’s not around. Particularly if he wakes up first.
25. As much as I kind of hate taking both kids to the grocery store, they do look really cute sitting in the car buggy eating a cookie.
26. So far, Decky doesn’t have a southern accent.
27. Decky is obsessed with gum. He loves to chew it. If only he didn’t also love to swallow it.
28. Decky loves to be thrown up in the air by Kevin. He screams with laughter.
29. Decky hates band-aids. He’d rather just poke at the bloody spot.
30. Decky likes to look out my bedroom window towards the neighborhood pool and shout “Pool is open!” after his afternoon nap.
31. Decky is always well-behaved at other people’s houses.
32. Decky is a great basketball player. Well, for a 2 year old.
33. A few weeks ago I tried to take off the tray on his high-chair and push him up to the table. Prior to this, his seat was pushed against the wall. After making various upset-noises, he got out of his chair, pushed it back to the wall, got back up in his seat, and gestured for me to put his tray back on the high chair. Um, change isn’t fun for Decky.
34. Decky is not a fan of TV. At age 2, he has yet to show interest in a TV show or DVD for longer than 5 minutes. Makes it hard for me to cook dinner.
35. Every night that I put him to bed, Decky sits my lap in his rocking chair and reads some books. After we finish reading, I turn out the light, turn on his sound machine, and he turns and faces me. He lays his head on my shoulder and listens as I sing songs. When prompted, he gives me a kiss and a hug and I lay him in his crib. He flops over onto his stomach, smacks the “on” button his music toy, and I cover him with his blankie.
36. Decky calls both of his grandfather’s “Bumpa!”.
37. When excited, Decky flaps his arms and does a whole-body excited shiver (Savannah does this too).
38. Decky LOVES to rough-house with Savannah. Their latest game is for Decky to grab the back of her shirt as she runs through the house. Much laughter ensues when they both fall down.
39. Decky can be very loud. He will screech at Savannah if she takes away something he has; he will shout “no” if you direct him to do an unpleasant task, and lately, he enjoys making noise in his high chair, such as by holding his yogurt container up to mouth and using it as a trumpet.
40. In 10 seconds flat, Decky can make a seemingly innocuous situation treacherous. He’ll toss a fork across the table, stop dead in front of a preoccupied woman pushing a shopping cart, try to pick up a huge rock from the garden without wearing shoes, crawl under a car in the parking lot, stick his hand in a strange dog’s mouth, climb on top of big items in Home Depot and prepare to jump off, stand up in his high chair, try to put the keys to the car in the ignition . . . . the list goes on and on.
The kid is a rascal. But we love him.
Happy Birthday, Dec.
“All Boy”, cont.
June 30, 2009 at 10:37 pm | In Declan | 4 CommentsThe following 1:00 minute video gives a little snippet of the type of trouble Declan instigates on a regular basis. How did he get that up there?
40 Tidbits About Savannah (in honor of her 4th birthday)
June 23, 2009 at 9:25 pm | In Savannah | 5 CommentsIn a prior post, I wrote “50 tidbits” about myself. This time, it’s Savannah’s turn in honor of the fact that she just turned FOUR!
1. Savannah has lived in 4 states: Minnesota, Arizona, New York, and South Carolina.
2. Savannah was 5 lbs, 8.5 ounces at birth.
3. Savannah loves Cheetos.
4. Savannah has several hemangioma’s on her side.
5. Savannah loves the color pink. I just painted her bedroom pink, at her request.
6. Savannah perseverates on all b00-boos. Seriously, she does a full body inventory several times per day to identify, categorize, and demand sympathy for all boo-boos, regardless of their size or painfulness.
7. Instead of saying “video”, she still says “diveo”.
8. When Savannah writes her name, the “S” and both “N”s are backwards.
9. Savannah is right-handed.
10. Savannah is very attached to her pink blanket and little brown and white stuffed puppy.
11. Savannah once sprained her ankle while going down the slide on my lap. She didn’t walk on it for nearly 2 weeks; she crawled everywhere.
12. Savannah thinks that chocolate milk can only be purchased at Chick Fila and Wendy’s.
13. Savannah loves to dance in front of the mirror, prefering to turn around, wiggle her bum, and admire it in the mirror.
14. Savannah always cries during The Little Mermaid when the sea witch is hurting Prince Eric.
15. Savannah hates hamburgers.
16. I think the best gift Savannah ever received was her little brother. She adores him.
17. Savannah loves to be read to. Preferrably in her room while sitting on my lap holding her blanket.
18. Savannah has a great sense of humor (you know, for a 4 year old).
19. Savannah looks just like her Daddy.
20. Savannah loves to sing in the car.
21. Savannah hates bugs (I think a phobia may be developing).
22. Savannah loves to go running with me. She’s fast and has great endurance.
23. Savannah thinks baths are overrated.
24. Prior to learning to speak clearly, Savannah used the word ”Bunka” instead of “Grandpa”. One grandpa was “Bunka” and the other was “Other Bunka”.
25. When Savannah was 18 months old, she absolutely refused to wear the winter coat that Aunt Mer purchased for her. The coat was adorable; brown suede with fur trim. Everyday she’d tantrum until I put on a heavy sweater instead of the coat. Finally, I took her to Kohl’s and let her pick out a new coat. The tantrums over the coat ceased.
26. Savannah loves going to restaurants.
27. Savannah loves school.
28. Savannah was potty-trained in about one week.
29. Savannah likes going to church, primarily because the few times she’s gone, she gotten a snack.
30. Savannah has this green dress covered with dogs. It was hand-me-down from a neighbor. She loves this dress, and wore it at least twice per week during the winter. Because it’s long-sleeved and it’s now summer, I suspect the dress will get lost soon.
31. Savannah is one of the shortest kids in her class.
32. Savannah is getting to be a great swimmer this summer.
33. Savannah often tries to disguise the fact that she’s taking something from Declan by saying, “Mom, Declan and I are sharing!” just as she grabs it out of his hand. When he protests, she says something about how he got a turn first, and now it’s her turn.
34. Savannah loves to be first. First at washing her hands before dinner, first at climbing into the car, first at standing on the stool to brush her teeth. Unfortunately, she’s starting to realize that when I say, “Okay, you can go first after Declan washes his hands” isn’t really . . . accurate.
35. If Savannah has to sneeze, its bound to happen when you are holding a plateful of yummy food near her face.
36. Savannah loves to help cook. Dessert, preferably.
37. Whenever either Kevin or I enter a bathroom, Savannah has to ask, “Are you going poo-poo or pee-pee?” A bit embarrassing in public restrooms.
38. Savannah loves craft-like activities; coloring, painting, stickers, making necklaces, etc.
39. So far, Savannah is not cursed with my freckles. She does, however, have my build.
40. Savannah is smart, pretty, and funny. And SHE KNOWS IT.
Serendipity
May 28, 2009 at 10:37 am | In Declan, parenting | 5 CommentsToday I had an experience that I have never had before.
It happened completely accidentally.
It could lead to very, very bad things.
But at the same time, it was a little gift.
Mothers who read this will think I’m weird for thinking it’s such a big deal.
Here goes . . .
Declan took a nap with me today. In our bed. With me.
Now, I’ll start by saying that neither one of my two children have ever slept in our bed. Prior to having kids, we decided that we would not be those parents who let their kid sleep in their bed “just this once” and then shhooooopppp, fast-forward four years and the kid has her own pillow, knows how to turn off Dad’s alarm clock, and reminds Mom when its time to change the sheets.
Then Savannah came home from the hospital. All five pounds, eight ounces of her. That first night, I didn’t want to set her down. So I just put her in bed with us, directing a wordless, “I just gave birth to your daughter so don’t even think of objecting to anything I want” glare at Kevin when he started to open his mouth. I thought, “just this once”. I thought I’d drift off to sleep, my hand lightly resting on her still, swaddled form, and stir only when she gave a little cry signaling that she was hungry.
Um, no. Instead, her tiny breaths kept me completely awake. Her baby noises sounded like fire alarms. My body was held rigidly, for fear that I would roll over on her. I kept hissing at Kevin to stop moving/be quiet/turn off the light. I was so fatigued from labor and delivery–so emotionally wrought from the surge of hormones, yet I couldn’t relax enough to go to sleep. It was awful. Labor and it’s accompanying epidural was more relaxing, frankly.
The next night Savannah was moved into her own bedroom, where she has remained ever since. When Dec was born, it didn’t even cross our minds to let him sleep in the bed with us.
Today, Dec was put down for his nap at about 1:30 pm. Kevin left to go study for his board exams. I got into my bed to read. After a mere 40 minutes, Dec started crying. I ignored him for a bit, but his cries only got more shrill, so I went into his room, picked him up, and rocked him in the rocking chair for a few minutes. He seemed to immediately fall back asleep. I layed him back down in his crib. Screaming ensued. After 10 minutes or so, I entered his room, picked him up, and carried him to my bed. I was primarily doing it so he wouldn’t disturb Savannah, who was also napping. I thought he’d just play for a bit with me or possibly jump on the bed. Nope. He layed down, pulled his blankie close, and looked around contentedly. As I held him, our faces nearly touching, I closed my eyes. A couple of minutes went by and I peeked at him. His eyes were open, but his body remained motionless. A few more minutes went by. I could feel myself starting to doze. I peeked at him again. His eyes were closed! So weird. So I closed my eyes again and dropped off to sleep for several minutes. I woke up when I heard Savannah’s bedroom door open. I thought, “She’s going to see that Dec’s bedroom door is open and wonder where he is”. I heard her use the bathroom. I could hear her in the hallway. I thought, “She’s going to come in here and say something and wake Decky up.” Just then, Kevin came home (Kevin told me later that Savannah immediately came to him and said, “Declan’s not in his crib and Momma’s sleeping! I can’t find him!” Poor Savannah.)
Kevin came up the stairs, peeked in on us, and took Savannah back downstairs.
Child #1 dispatched, I had the luxury to watch Declan as he slept. He was laying on his side, with his blankie pressed up to his chest and neck, and my mind was transported back to his infancy. Then, I would swaddle him and rock him as he slept. Laying in the bed today, holding the same blanket that I used to swaddle him, I felt as though he looked exactly the same as he did nearly two years ago. I gazed at him as he traveled through each stage of sleep, and marveled at how his eyes opened and closed during his deepest stage of sleep. I could see beads of sweat on his temple. Occasionally he sighed, and a little puff of his breath would touch my face. It dawned on me that watching him sleep, especially from about 5 inches away, was an intimate experience that I had missed out on with both of my children. Watching an infant sleep while you’re trying to nurse or while your pushing the stroller or while you’re driving the car or while you’re eating in a restaurant is not the same as watching a your toddler sleep in the comfort of your bed, while you’re well rested and relaxed.
After I got my fill of watching him sleep, I closed my eyes again in preparation for a glorious nap with my son. After several minutes, I realized that his breathing was rather raspy. And his nose whistled. And his body heat was making me sweaty. And his blankie smelled vaguely of toddler drool. And he was hogging the bed. And my arm was asleep. And I needed to pee.
Sleeping with a toddler sucked.
After a while, I started to get antsy. I hadn’t moved in nearly an hour. I could see my novel laying a few feet away on the bed. On the other side of Dec. I slowly started to ease my arm out from under him. He stirred and I froze. I tried again. Success. I debated leaving the bed, but wondered if he would fall out of bed if I left him alone. Our bed is very high. What if he hit the nightstand on his way down? I listened for Kevin and Savannah. It sounded like they were having a great time downstairs. I envied them. I was hot and sweaty up here, trapped in the bed with a loud breather and a bed hogger. And what if Dec woke up and thought, “Oh my goodness, that was the best nap ever. I want to sleep with Mommy every single day and night”? I wondered if I’d have to go back to work full-time to break him of this new habit. I mean, the kid is super clingy as it is. What if I just caused him to need an additional five years of therapy? This was a terrible idea. What possessed me to bring him into bed with me? Why, why, why?
What happened to my tender feeling of 15 minutes ago? When I was basking in the closeness between us? Oh, right. My tender feelings were sweaty and cramped. They were being masked by the grunts and lip-smacking from the 27 pound kid laying practically on top of me.
Thankfully, when he awoke a few minutes later, he didn’t seem to linger on the fact that he was in the bed with mommy. He just sat up, looked around, and grinned at his sister as she entered the room. She reminded him it was time for snack. “Nack!”, he agreed, and took his little independent self off downstairs, without even looking back at me.
His blanket was left forgotten on the bed.
I sniffed it. Yup, it still smelled like Decky drool.
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